Do you remember when “Gucci Gang” was a thing back in like 2016? Unfortunately, I do, as I’m sure a lot of people unfortunately do. As I’ve gathered through various music news sources, Lil Pump, the rapper behind that piece of mumble rap excrement, has just released a song with considerable metal influence. I’ve never been one to pass up the chance to cringe so hard my face folds in on itself, so naturally I had to check the song out. Here’s why “Pump Rock x Heavy Metal” is one of the worst songs (not just metal) to come out in at least the last decade. 

So, on the topic of Lil Pump’s relevance, essentially nonexistent. The last time he was relevant was for the aforementioned “Gucci Gang” circa 2016. Even back then, “Gucci Gang”’s popularity was largely a fluke because of the mountainous pile of memes the song produced. For that brief period of time, Lil Pump was relevant. If there’s one thing I don’t want to sound like, it’s that I like his work, I don’t in the slightest. When I heard about “Pump Rock x Heavy Metal”, I simply jumped at the chance to listen to it because 1) I knew it would be terrible and 2) I knew it would be good writing fodder. On the topic of the song, I’m sure I could say “It’s bad” and just end the article right now. While it would certainly be the truth (possibly even an understatement), more effort is certainly in order. The music itself is a problem, about half of it actually. Pump’s backing track is just about the most painfully generic, repetitive, chug-riffed, mid-paced, mid 2000s sounding alt-ish metal one could think of. I honestly would not be surprised in the slightest if the track was taken from Bensound.com or something of the like. 

I’m going all off memory for this because I believe it would cause me physical, emotional, and mental pain. At the time of writing this, I am listening to Darkthrone’s 1992 black metal classic, A Blaze in the Northern Sky. I’d recommend listening to that rather than whatever this song is. To put into context just how bad “Pump Rock x Heavy Metal” is, this article has become a multiple day affair. Between the times I have come back to work on this article I have listened to an array of music, in fact, I have not listened to “Pump Rock x Heavy Metal” since my initial listen when I started writing this article. Now, at the time of this sentence being written, I am listening to Gojira’s album From Mars to Sirius, and I can still hear the lyrics of “Pump Rock x Heavy Metal” ringing out over Mario Duplantier’s godlike drumming. Personally, that is the definition of a bad song. The worst songs are the ones that get stuck in your head for the worst possible reasons. Speaking of still hearing the lyrics, that brings me to my next point: the lyrics are possibly the worst part of the entire song. 

Talk about the most stereotypical shlock imaginable. I just now realized that, after looking at Genius.com for the lyrics, the meaning of the song goes deeper as the two parts of the song’s title correspond to two individual parts within the song itself. I don’t know if this is some ham-fisted attempt at actual music theory-related composition but I don’t really care, I’m getting off topic anyway. The lyrics to “Pump Rock x Heavy Metal” are truly abhorrent; I don’t think I can sample many of them since this is an article written for school publication. Heck, I’m probably going to be in hot water for so much as giving this song a platform, but if you want to get the full effect, look up the lyrics for yourself. Again, I don’t know what I can and cannot write here, but let’s just say Lil Pump constantly referring to the “slits on [his] wrists” doesn’t make for a good or even decent listening experience for a number of reasons. The only way this putrid attempt at a “metal” song could have been worse was to throw in the most stereotypical metal lyrics, that is exactly what Lil Pump (or whoever may have written this, I’m fairly confident it wasn’t Pump himself) did. With lyrics like the aforementioned “slits on my wrists” line, you can tell this was not written by someone who actively enjoys metal. Not even the most basic, casual, Black Album era Metallica level of metalhead would write lyrics this brutally stereotypical. This song was written by an outsider. 

So, to conclude, listen to literally anything else. If you think you can bear it, be my guest, but at the end you better thank god almighty that you can still appreciate music because no amount of divine intervention can save you from this. And to anyone and everyone involved in the making of “Pump Rock x Heavy Metal” in any capacity, and to the people who insist on supporting this degradation of the western mainstream, I, on behalf of myself and metalheads everywhere, quote the band Nails, “You will never be one of us”.